This Sporting Life

Why can't we just imprison corrupt politicians like other countries?

There is a sport that other nations
Nearly have perfected,
And Ireland, through procrastinations,
Seems to have neglected.
Its worldwide popularity
Goes all the way to Thailand,
But now we see with clarity
Its benefit to this island.

Yes, jailing errant politicians
Ceased when it reached Wales,
As people in empowered positions
Tipped judicial scales.
But attitudes have altered
From the way that people thought,
As reverence has faltered,
So we welcome this new sport.

The public representative
Oft gave us the hard sell,
Taxation quite insensitive,
He gave the workers hell.
But now the sands have shifted,
We will raise a ballyhoo,
The veil of mist has lifted –
He can have a hard cell too.

We’re relishing the battle
And it’s great for our morale.
We’ll round them up like cattle
And restock the old corral.
We’ll break them in heroically
Until their spirit’s broken,
And lead them off quite stoically,
No words of protest spoken.

One’s political persuasion
Does not matter in this fight.
On such a great occasion,
No-one cares ‘bout left or right.
We’ll slap them gaily in the can
For showing no repentance,
And gleefully we’ll give them an
Uninterrupted sentence.

A chance to earn a few more bob,
We’ll hold the trials in Croker.
Get Ticketmaster on the job,
Or any ticket broker.
The public will come flocking in
And pay much more than tuppence
To see an erstwhile Gungha Din
Receive his big come-uppance.

So let’s embrace this new-found thought,
Immerse ourselves profoundly
In anarchic, good-humoured sport –
Incarcerate them soundly!
Let’s show our business acumen,
From Malin Head to Mizen,
Redistribute their pensions when
They’re languishing in prison.