Cold Comfort

The people are chillin’ in old Enniskillen,
In Newry, the roads are all icy.
As the blizzards sweep down into Ballyclare Town,
The cost of home heating’s gone pricey.

The icebergs at sea have blocked in Donaghdee,
And they’re shivering up in Dromore,
And boy, is it very Vladivostok in Derry,
Where there’s walrus and penguins galore.

As the storms vent their fury on Banbridge and Newry,
They’re skating above on Lough Neagh,
And the water won’t melt up in Magherafelt,
And the cold spell looks likely to stay.

They’re sloshing through slush in Coleraine and Portrush,
Tobogganing in Limavady
But its not only Billy who’s finding it chilly,
It’s also quite freezing for Paddy.

Weather presenters in radio centres
With plausible causes hold forth.
But the obvious reason why Ulster is freezin’
Is the polarisation up North.