Oh Ivor

Ivor Callely, Government Minister of State, allegedly tries to bribe a member of his staff to stay on...

Oh Ivor, won’t you buy me
A Mercedes Benz?
At least run it by me -
No way it offends!
I really don’t care ‘bout the signal it sends,
Just go ahead and buy me a Mercedez Benz.

Oh Ivor, won’t you buy me
A spanking new Jag?
My pushbike is grimy,
A bit of a drag.
Throw my coat over puddles and carry your bag,
If only you’d buy me a spanking new Jag.

Oh Ivor, won’t you buy me
An Audi A4?
I’m Peter, so fly me,
Your slave evermore.
I’ll deliver your leaflets to every damned door,
And all for the price of an Audi A4.

Oh Ivor, won’t you buy me
A Renault Megane?
I never would stymie
Your electoral plan.
Yes, I’d be forever a Callely man,
If you nipped out and got me a Renault Megane.

Oh Ivor, won’t you buy me
An Opel Kadett?
Oh please don’t deny me,
My heart is quite set.
Your seat in North Dublin won’t come under threat,
If you’d just see your way to an Opel Kadett.

Oh Ivor, won’t you buy me
A Daewoo Matiz?
There’s no need to ply me
With crates of Bucks Fizz,
I’d shout from the rooftops that you are the biz,
If you’d hand me the keys to a Daewoo Matiz.

Oh Ivor, won’t you buy me
A Honda Accord?
If you would just try me,
You’d reap the reward,
My ride needs a-pimping and you can afford
To buy me, oh Ivor, a Honda Accord.