The Price of Drink

Thieves rob a million pounds from a security truck while one of the guards is buying a coffee

The landlords may deny it, and get surly and defensive,
But no-one really argues that the drink here’s inexpensive.
It’s evident the situation’s grown into a crisis
When even Scandinavians complain about our prices.

In Dublin pubs, the pint of plain now costs a pretty packet,
The Government puts up the tax, and all the breweries back it,
And please don’t get me started on the shocking price of mixers –
Small wonder all the tradesmen spend their weekends doing nixers.

Now I’m not greatly into wine, I find it soporific,
But certain wines have price tags which are truly quite horrific.
The viniculture industry is there for you to conquer,
So splash out on some vintage red, become a real plonker.

And whiskey of a certain age can make a tidy figure.
The length of time that it matures, ensures its value’s bigger.
And men, who in all other spheres, are wise as Aristotle,
Would sell their homes in St. Moritz to purchase one small bottle.

Yes, drink is fierce expensive, there are no two ways about it.
The dogs that roam this country’s streets throw back their heads and shout it.
But still it’s hard to credit this week’s rumour doing the rounds
That a single cup of coffee cost a cool three million pounds.