Sunday, August 12, 2007

The Government to Lead by Example

Civil servants to decentralise

Relocation, relocation, relocation –
Harsh music to a civil servant’s ears.
The Government’s attempts at mass plantation
Have not addressed our culchie-phobic fears.

“The countryside is lovely,” says the Minister.
“Not charcoal grey, but vivid green and brown.
Please do not think it underhand or sinister
That we are trying to get you out of town.

‘Facilities outside the Pale are ample,
There is no need for city centre trekkin’
The Government will set you an example
And relocate en masse to Termonfeckin.

‘The Termonfeckin countryside is bracing,
The traffic doesn’t pass by at a crawl,
Though one of the great challenges we’re facing
Is where to build our Termonfeckin Daìl.

‘The local GAA has volunteered
To let us use their clubhouse twice a week,
And a megaphone will needs-be commandeered,
And passed around when someone wants to speak.

‘The Termonfeckin natives are delighted,
The local landlords rub their hands in glee.
Their love for us will not go unrequited –
We’ll help to bolster their economy.

‘Protestors now will chain themselves to railings
Outside of Ma O’Reilly’s corner shop.
The Termonfeckin Daìl may have its failings
But the march of progress can’t be seen to stop.

‘Presidents will come to Termonfeckin,
Heads of state put up in Keenan’s pub.
Some might find the ceilidh quite head-wreckin’
But Molly does a lovely bit of grub.

‘So follow our example, Doubting Thomas,
Fill your lungs with Termonfeckin air.
Let us all augment our rural commerce,
And give the Termonfeckin lads their share.

County Louth has such attractive scenery,
With grassy knoll and lovely shady dell.
I guarantee you all that wondrous greenery
Will not become a Termonfeckin hell.”

Yes, the Termonfeckin Minister has shown us,
Our inertia is attributed to greed.
How can we claim a relocation bonus
When our Termonfeckin TDs take the lead?

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